Run, Forrest, Run!

Got my bi-weekly (bi-weekly? bi-monthly? It's twice a month, whichever that is) shiatsu session today.

Upon walking in, my practitioner, Diane, asked me what my body was saying.

Over all, nothing major, but this damn vertigo that keeps popping up is still bothering me. Usually when I tilt my head back or turn to the left, the room starts spinning. But sometimes, just randomly.

Ah, she said. Mentioning things like Gall Bladder, which was not the usual association I would have made, she clarified by saying that Bladder is where we toss everything back to that we don't want to deal with. And then Gall Bladder is even beyond that.. the last stashing place. As well as governing decision-making.

That I knew.

And then, she said she suddenly got this image of Forrest Gump, you know Forrest Gump, right?

Uh, yeah...

Well, remember when he gets the braces off his legs and starts running? At first he's all wobbly, but eventually gains his stride. You're like that. It's like the braces just came off, and you're trying to find your balance amidst this new freedom. And your body is kinda freaking out.

I laughed. Yeah, put 'em back on! Put 'em back on!

It made me think of those times right after giving birth. Nine months of something growing inside, taking up space, adding extra weight in an unwieldy way, but at least with time enough to adjust. Not that you ever get graceful with it, but you compensate slowly.

Then the baby is born. Within a matter of minutes, twenty-plus pounds are lost, and I'll never forget the sensation of standing up after giving birth and finding I had NO idea where my center of balance was. It took me at least a week or two to figure out again how to walk, how to find the right posture. Meanwhile my back and shoulders would be in all kinds of weird pain, and I felt almost as clumsy as when I was pregnant.

And it's not like you ever really go back to how you were pre-pregnancy. Hips have widened, muscles have stretched, fascia imprinted ..  adjustments have been made on every level, never again to be the same.

No doubt, I am again learning a new posture. The braces were constricting, but secure. Known and familiar. I'm struggling with how to be... to feel where my center is.

Many days, I really have no clue.

And here's another metaphor that just hit me, speaking of center (the Heart being center in Chinese medicine.)

Mark Silver talks about how the heart is never really divided (to reference a phrase used to describe feeling torn).

To quote directly: "Whatever the heart witnesses, it fills with. It's simply not possible to have a divided heart. However, what the heart can do is turn, and turn very quickly. In fact, in Arabic the word for heart is "qalb," which also means "to turn." As it turns, it fills with whatever it is facing.

The divided heart is really one that is turning between two or more realities, emptying and filling, emptying and filling. Exhausting."
*

Yes. That would be me. I would also add that it makes one quite dizzy.

*So what does Sufi Master Mark suggest we do? Well, he brings our attention to the First Commandment: "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me." In other words, fill your heart with the Divine, with Spirit, "so that your heart is filled with that primal love and truth, and not distracted, weakened, or caught in the muck of other things."

Interpret that how you want, but I know for me, when I even attempt to face 'primal love and truth', my head indeed does stop spinning, if only metaphorically.

Now, back to learning to run without braces....