Grace in Gravity

No-Action Energy

2012-05-04T12:26:57Z

If you've been to any of our Qigong classes*, you will be familiar with the "wu chi" position - a particular stance we adopt before beginning the exercise set.

It's a posture that creates a feeling of balance, stability and relaxed readiness in the body, and - even without studying Qigong - is a wonderful practice to learn in itself.

What does "wu chi" mean?

In researching the meaning of 'wu chi' (woo chee), I found that in Taoist thought it means, "void" or "emptiness", or the state of emptiness which existed before the creation of the universe. (And interestingly, 'Tai Chi' refers to what was set in motion after Wu Chi was separated into Yin and Yang.)

More for our purposes, according to one Tai Chi website: "Wu Chi translates as No action Energy. The “Wu” - No action - refers to the fact that there is no external physical movement while you are standing in Wu Chi. The “Chi” or energy refers to the fact that the energy is activated even though there is no physical movement. Together Wu Chi refers to the idea that the energy is activated and moving even though there is no physical motion."

Oh, those Chinese and their conundrums.

So, while this is a relaxed state of standing - in fact, upon mastering it, one could stand this way for hours, even theoretically falling asleep if, god forbid, it was necessary - there is an element of action to it. It is an intentional starting point for the movements to follow, and a means of alignment that has health benefits all of its own... especially if used in the practice of 'earthing**'.

The practice is deceptively simple. It is, after all, just standing, right? Yet, it could take months to master... primarily due to the challenge of our 'monkey minds', as well as poor posture developed over years of sitting or standing in a misaligned and unconscious way. And we westerners are not known for our ability to stand still.

How to do wu chi.

1) To begin, you need to be conscious of a powerful acupuncture point on the soles of the feet, known as Kidney 1, or "Bubbling Well", or "Gushing Spring". (You can see how these terms allude to an image of a source point). What the Chinese knew and what we are learning now is that this is a well-known point that conductively connects to all of the acupuncture meridians and essentially connects to every nook and cranny of your body.

2) Balance your weight like a tripod. It make take a little shifting of your weight, but ideally, you want to be able to feel equal weight on the heels, the ball of the foot just below the big toe, and the smaller ball under the pinky toe.

3) Relax the knees slightly. Locking out the knees interferes with the ability to feel connection with the ground.

4) Shift the pelvis in order to balance the weight over the Bubbling Well. Imagining your pelvis like a bowl of water balanced on the tripod can be a helpful visual. What you are wanting to feel is sense of comfortable weight down into the feet as well as a relief of tension in lower back. This can make all the difference.

5) Imagine a string pulling your head up from the ceiling. This will give you a more relaxed aligned posture than the usual "Head up! Shoulders back!" approach.

6) Allow your arms to hang gracefully at your sides, hands relaxed, fingers apart.

7) Touch the tongue lightly to the roof of your mouth. This completes an energetic circuit through the cranial/spinal/sacral structure and up the front of the body.

8) Allow your breathing to be gentle, smooth and continuous - flowing in and out through the nose, and filling the belly (to about 70%), rising and falling naturally like a wave.

9) Be mindful of allowing all the joints to be slightly rounded and relaxed. The body should be as free of tension as possible.

10) The more you practice this, try to bring an awareness of being rooted to the ground - the roots going deep as well as wide, with a sense that if a strong wind came, you could bend without being knocked over.

This is a very powerful practice in itself - and you can bring it to many activities and situations: standing in line, cooking, doing dishes.

I also recommend this for times when dealing with difficult situations, like confrontation with people in which we feel tense or reactive. This practice can keep you calm, literally centered, and able to respond from a place of groundedness. Over time, it becomes an internal experience, one which you can bring to your consciousness even before getting out of bed in the morning, or while sitting at your desk. It is an intentional 'state of emptiness' before action.

I also recommend practicing this barefoot on grass or in sand, as per the idea of 'earthing'... especially first thing on the morning, or as a means of relieving fatigue or overwhelm.

Questions?? Comments?? Hit the "post a comment" link at the top!

******

* We hold "drop-in" qigong classes on Saturdays at the LHHC, as well as offer a 10-week course in the "Eight Pieces of Brocade" which includes the theory of qigong from the perspective of bodywork. Join the email list for updates on these classes!

** "Earthing" - A term coined by Clinton Ober, to describe the practice of connecting with the earth by walking barefoot to improve one's health and quality of life. Yes, it is stunning to me too, that this simple piece of common sense warrants not only a book, but a whole world-wide institute, but we humans are funny creatures, aren't we?

The Rhythm of Purple

2012-03-27T12:02:44Z

This is a plug for my friend - massage therapist, colleague and musician - Bill Bryan.

Some years ago, he created an album for his massage practice, much of which was composed during a very trying time in his life. One of the unique things about this collection of music is the use of the theremin - an instrument invented in 1920 by a young Russian physicist, Lev Sergeivich Termen. It's not only the oldest electronic instrument, but the only that's played without physical contact, giving many of the selections a haunting, ethereal sound.

Early on, as he passed along the album to his clients, a unique and unexpected feature emerged.

Because there is a particular and consistent rhythm from one end of the piece to the other, the music was found to have a very calming effect on the autistic children of several of his clients. It seemed to be a unanimous finding.

And so, Bill decided he wanted to get this music out to other families who are dealing with autism (800 cd's, in fact).

Enter Kickstarter.

If you're not familiar with Kickstarter, it is "the world's largest fundraising platform for creative projects".

A person has a project they want to get off the ground, so they submit it, and if approved, they create a video, some terms, a financial goal with a deadline, and then ask for help. For the investors, it's pretty much risk-free... if you pledge and the goal isn't met, nothing is lost.

But for certain amounts pledged (see the page for details) you can receive an autographed copy (or two) if the goal is met.

Here is a link to his project, with video below (edited by my 16 year-old son!):

I hope you will feel moved, or at least intrigued enough to help him out.

And definitely by April 20th... the countdown is on...,

Embodying Spring - Part Two

2012-03-15T18:50:38Z

Last week, I wrote a post giving a brief tutorial in how Traditional Chinese Medicine describes spring within a larger seasonal cycle of relationships.

Since TCM theorizes that these seasonal rhythms are also manifest in the human body - as we are inextricably bound to nature - knowing how to be in harmony with these changes will allow us to navigate them with ease.

For example, take a moment to reflect on whether you notice anything in yourself - your body, your emotions, your behavior, your cravings - at this time of the year. Typical things might include fatigue, restlessness, heightened mood, irritability, colds or flu, feelings of overwhelm, creativity, excitement, arousal.

If you remember the elemental associations from the last post, we can see some parallels between our bodies and what's happening in nature:

Spring = upward and outward rising energy, exemplified in green shoots or tree sap. This is one of the strongest elemental energies, and how that might manifest in our body would be in the form of bursts of energy, creativity, 'spring cleaning' jags, etc. If the well (again referring to the season of Water, or Winter before Spring) was not adequately replenished, we might also feel fatigue, or be more susceptible to illness.

So, what can we do?

For the body:

Adopt the 'wu chi' position. This is a stance in qigong or martial arts, in which you stand in a relaxed, yet stable position - feet shoulder width apart, with an awareness of the 'bubbling well' point on the bottom of the feet strongly connected into the earth. With the knees slightly bent, and the pelvis relaxed and loose, you can immediately feel a sense of grounding, and yet also a readiness for whatever may come. As a further mediation, you can also try visualizing roots digging into the earth from your feet... both deep and wide. Tree energy is upward and outward, but needs strong roots in order to maintain balance.

Take full breaths. 'Metal', as described in the last post, is the 'controlling' element of Wood. Metal is associated with the Lungs, and so taking deep breaths into the body will also help balance that upward rising energy ... which can sometimes manifest as frustration, irritability, neck and shoulder tension and headaches.

Rotate and scrunch shoulders, as well as slowly turn the head from side to side. Again, this is to release that strong energy in the upper body.

Stretch. Wood or Tree energy is manifested in the ligaments and tendons, and as you can imagine, is about being flexible like a tree.. able to bend without breaking. Stretching feels particularly good after the contraction of winter, and side stretching helps to activate the liver and gall bladder, which are most active at this time of year.

Hara massage. The 'hara', or abdomen, is an area that affected by stress and tension, though in our culture, we rarely think to massage is. It can be tender and uncomfortable at first, but hara massage can create a great sense of relaxation and centeredness, as well as improve digestion. Doing this while lying in bed at night, with the knees bent will make it more comfortable, and paying special attention to the area just below the rib cage (left side - stomach, right side, liver/gall bladder) can bring immediate effects.

Eat sour fresh foods. Sour is the associated taste for spring, as naturally sour food stimulate and support liver and gall bladder activity as they take on the work of cleansing from the excesses of winter. Also, fresh, spring greens and sprouts are appropriate for the diet at this time.

For the mind:

Make lists. Metal, the controlling element, can be seen in the form as 'pruning shears' for the overwhelm of spring growth. I know, for me, when the warm weather hits, I immediately want to run out and take on the world, leaving me to collapse in an armchair about 10 minutes later just thinking of all there is to do. Having a plan of action, and directing the energy can help keep it all from reaching overwhelm status. And likewise...

Spring cleaning.. also a means of pruning, and releasing what is no longer needed in order to start fresh. I stated that the lungs are the organ of Metal, but so is the Large Intestine, with its function of elimination. Open the windows, sweep out the dust, and let the sunshine in!

For the soul:

Draw from your Source. The 'nourishing' element of Wood is Water... which can be seen as feeding the roots and seeds under the ground throughout the Winter in order to ready them for Spring. I also think of Water as a metaphor for Source, like a well. When the well is filled, it can feed and nourish creativity and inspiration, which are Wood traits. When you feel wrung out and overextended from spring activity, return to the source that replenishes you, whatever that may be: a walk in the woods, a meditation pillow, a spiritual practice, a favorite book... some place or activity to sink your roots into.

Well, I hope this helps...! Feel free to share comments and further suggestions below!

Embodying Spring - Part One

2012-03-08T12:43:37Z

(Based on a presentation I gave at the LHHC's Spring Symposium, 2/26/12)

Our bodies, being a part of nature, whether we care to admit it or not, are attuned to the rhythms of the seasons.

They respond to the changing energies of the earth - with little respect for the calendar, or agendas of man and groundhogs.

If you've ever maintained a garden, you know that there are appropriate activities for certain times of the year. You plant bulbs in the fall because they need the cold, stagnant period to sprout in the spring, and you plan water usage carefully during dry spells.

It's no different with our bodies. And when you can get a sense of the seasonal appropriateness of what your body is doing and why, you can apply the right kind of nourishment and activities to stay healthy.

How TCM describes it.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the energies that govern the universe are described in terms of yin and yang - a 'classification of duality' and an observation of how everything in nature moves between one relative extreme (is that a contradiction?) to another: day into night, back into day, etc.

To further differentiate the cycle, this duality is broken down into 'five transformations' - each with an associated season and 'element', as well as organs, emotions, directions in which the energy moves, and more. It is believed that the characteristics of these seasons are reflected in the human body.

Looking closer at Wood.

The 'element' associated with Spring is Wood, or Tree ('mu' to be exact). Makes sense, right? The color is green, the organs are Liver/Gall Bladder (think spring cleansing), the structure part of the body is ligaments and tendons (think of the flexibility of a green branch), the direction of energy is upward and outward, the emotion is anger (frustration, irritability), the vocal sound is shouting, and the taste is sour.

I also like to bring in the qualities of Creativity, Inspiration, Flexibility, Tenacity, and Ease of Transition. If you can picture the burst of energy needed for a tiny little seed to break free of its casing and make its way upward through frozen ground to the sun, you can get a feel for that energy in your own body.

But wait, there's more! The Shen/Ko Cycle.

These transformations are not static... they are indicative of relationships. And the health of relationships is based on harmony and balance. There are two main cycles of relationship between these five phases: the Shen, or nourishing cycle, and the Ko, or controlling cycle.

In the Shen cycle, one element 'nourishes' the next... if it is healthy, the next element will also be healthy. If it is weak, and fails to nourish, the next element will also be lacking. Conversely, the element in the Ko position is intended to keep the controlled element from getting too strong, but without controlling too much.

So, let's look at Spring again, in relationship to the Nourishing element of Water (winter) and the Controlling element of Metal (autumn).

Water: The season of Water is Winter, the organs are the Bladder and Kidneys, and the energy is downward. The physical structure is the bones. So you can see, we're talking about depth... the tendency of water is to sink to the lowest point, the deepest structure. And the activity of winter is conducive to stillness, contemplation, and the replenishment of resources. The metaphorical well, as it were. You can see how Water, when tended to properly, can nourish the roots and provide enough energy for the exuberance of spring. But when the well is dry, it can be lead to depletion (think of kidneys and adrenal fatigue) and the transition into rising energy of spring can be fraught with fatigue and illness.

Metal: The element of Autumn, of the Lungs and Large Intestines, and with a direction of inward and downward, Metal has the quality of clarity, of precision and control... of editing and pruning, like garden shears. It's a natural balance to the rush of rising spring energy... keeping it in check, and balancing the potential overwhelm. Sprouts pop up everywhere, and containing the energy is necessary to focus on the plants that will grow to completion, but too much pruning will have the opposite effect.

So, what do we do with this information? How do we put it into practical application?

Tune in tomorrow....! (Did I say tomorrow? I meant, next week!)

Why I'm a Qigong Evangelist

2012-03-06T15:04:48Z

There are very few people these days who leave my office without hearing me giving either a recommendation for a couple qigong exercises as homework, or a invitation to my class.

I wasn't always this pushy.

I learned the "Eight Pieces of Brocade" in shiatsu school 7 years ago, and while I practiced here and there, and occasionally mentioned it to clients - even taught the first 12-week course about it - it was only after I had an amazing experience of pain relief* did I really begin to take this stuff seriously.

And even though I know I'm not the only one, I also know it's much more than that.

Every time I practice it, alone or with others, I find even greater depth within this deceptively simple set of exercises.

The principles seem basic: 'regulation' or discipline of the body, breath, mind, qi and spirit. And yet these principles can be applied to life at large.

And then... there's the effect on the fascia. The three-dimensional web of elastic connective tissue that interfaces with everything in the body: skin, muscle, organ, bone, nerves, brain... the unifying principle, in my opinion. And the structure of the body that can be directly affected through the five regulations mentioned above.

It's for this reason why I believe qigong is an amazing and profound tool in working with stress and chronic pain relief, in ways that stretching, meditation, massage, and even shiatsu can't always do.

More to come. Believe me.

*My story: For much of 2010, I was dealing with some chronic neck and shoulder tension on the left side. Many times, this tension escalated into vertigo spells that would last for weeks, and sometimes migraines. I could tell that it was from tight muscles, as well as a possible misalignment in the upper cervical vertebrae, but massage and chiropractic only brought temporary relief.

Even though I was teaching the qigong class, admittedly, I was not practicing it daily. As soon as the first class ended, I thought, well, that's hypocritical, and it's time to practice what I preach. So, I started doing the routine every morning. On about the 23rd straight day, I was going through one movement which involves slowly turning the head from side to side... typically feeling limitation and painful tension whenever going to the left. Suddenly, on about the 7th repetition, the tension disappeared. Nothing huge and profound ... it was just .... gone. It felt normal. The range of motion was the same on both sides, and there was such a noticeable 'absence' of tension, it made me almost giddy.

This area is a weak spot for me... it may always be prone to tightening up, but that intensity has never returned, and even when it starts getting tense again, a few qigong moves and it's back to normal.

Are You the Emperor (Empress) of Your Domain?

2012-02-18T15:00:00Z

"Everything the light touches is our Kingdom..." Mufasa, the "Lion King", to his son and heir, Simba.

In Chinese Medicine, the organs (or Organs*) were often described as government officials... all working (ideally) in harmony to keep the body, or kingdom healthy. And in Qigong, the 'regulations' or foundations of the practice (breath, body, mind, qi, and spirit) were given battlefield roles.

When teaching our most recent Qigong class, we heard from a couple folks who were having difficulty relating to their bodies in a militaristic way.

I understood why, but I also got the analogy, given that the form we were teaching was developed by a Chinese general in the 12th century for his troops to stay strong. But I meditated on this a bit anyway to see if I could make the concept more relevant to us peace-loving civilians.

As we had also been teaching to our class the importance of the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system (that which controls our relaxation response) and how stress is often a matter of the orthosympathetic branch (the 'fight or flight' response) running continuously on idle, I realized that 'the body as battlefield' could put forth an image of 'me against the world' ... feeling much like an 'orthosympathetic' stance.

What, then, would be a more relevant and softer analogy for us?

Defenses against disease or 'external pernicious influences' are always active, yes - but ideally, just on patrol much of the time, rather than constantly involved in active engagement.

I knew that the Lungs in TCM included the lungs proper, the diaphragm, and the act of respiration.. breathing being an interchange with the immediate environment... and defense, or immunity. But the lungs also included the skin (or 'third lung'). It's porous, it breathes, and it also interfaces with the external world. The Wei Chi, or defensive chi, (aka: immunity), is said to be part of the skin's function.

I then referred to the book, "As Snowflakes Fall: Shiatsu as Spiritual Practice", and read: "The oriental view of Lung is that it is the source of energy which defines what is me, and what is everything else; in other words, what is inside the boundary of the skin and what is outside.... The Heart is known as the Emperor who controls, or harmonises, all parts of the defined whole."

Ah. So, now we have a picture of the body, not so much as a battlefield, but as a realm, or kingdom ... with clearly defined and protected boundaries.

We take in breath which fills the interior (as every cell takes in oxygen). This is our domain... all that the breath touches is our Kingdom, and is ruled by the Heart.

What is within that domain is our responsibility: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

(The Lungs, by the way, were considered to be the Prime Minister, as they were charged with diplomatic exchange between the interior and the exterior of the body, protection of the borders, and bringing life-giving Air Qi back to the Emperor/Heart.)

I suggested to the class that Qigong is the practice of mastery over our interior, and the conscious mobilization of the forces we have at our disposal - body, breath, mind, qi and spirit - in order to keep the peace and balance within our own skin... in other words, our health.

So, how well do you know your own kingdom?

As the ruler of your domain, how well do you know your own terrain? How clear of an experience (different from an abstract and intellectual knowing) do you have of your body, of all that is within the boundary of your skin? If you are to properly govern and defend your domain, it's helpful to get to know the reaches of your realm ... the uncharted territory, the forests, the thickets, the deserts... all that the breath touches.

Try this...,

*Organs. In TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) the organ names are capitalized to differentiate their meaning from that of western physiology, as their interpretations could include not only the organ itself, but its function, as well as emotional characteristics and other organs that supported their function.

Smart Goals

2012-01-31T23:54:14Z

This was the topic I was recently asked to speak about at my second visit to a local fitness center.

In thirty minutes I tried to reframe a phrase that may have had very different implications for my audience than the ones that came to me and my shiatsu-brain.

My intended point - assuming that the topic was geared toward jumping on to the New Year's resolution bandwagon - was that there might be more to this goal-setting thing to consider, other than an arbitrary date, and to encourage folks to think a little differently and compassionately about how to meet their health goals.

I first invited responses from the group to the question, "What does the phrase 'smart goals' mean to you?", followed by my own impression that 'smart' could perhaps mean 'realistic'.

'Realistic', as in, setting goals that were achievable and based on conditions that came from within a person rather than from without, and which took other influencing factors into account - five of which I've which I've outlined here:

1) A sense of ownership. Where is the goal coming from? From your doctor? From magazine covers? From Oprah? I suggested starting with a larger vision. Can you find a phrase or word to describe the quality you're seeking to experience in your life? What is the deep 'why'. An internal connection to this quality would be more effective in getting you over the setbacks on your path than the adherence to an external standard.

2) Identification of the 'payoffs'. What is the underlying story or need that arises in that crucial moment of deciding between the thing that meets your goal, and the thing that sabotages it? What are you really feeding? Can you name it and be compassionate around it, without trying to push it away or judging it (or yourself)? We often make those 'setback' kind of choices in response to an older, deeper, and perhaps unexplored story that only rears its head in a moment of challenge. If you can name it, you can tame it - perhaps appease it and even come to some mutual agreement. :)

3) Current life circumstances. Is your life supportive right now of deep challenging goals? The sad irony is that when life is at its craziest is when the need for self-care is greatest. But whilst navigating a job or a change in living situation, or when dealing with difficulty on the home front - this is not the time to set major life change goals. Not with a great degree of success anyway.

Battling a nicotine addiction, for example, requires at least some degree of support from people close to you. My own self-care epiphany arose out of this realization.

Conversely, though, waiting for one's life situation to be perfectly calm is not the answer either. In fact, being the one to take the lead in improving oneself may be the impetus for challenging personal environments to change too.

4) Questioning what the path should look like. After long years of internal battle, I've recently been willing to admit that goals and plans are not evil, and maybe self-discipline is a Good Thing. However, I will still contend that sticking to an unexamined path simply for the sake of sticking to it - particularly if it's not getting you (joyfully) to where you want to go is just silly.

Checking in often with where you're headed (see #1) and if your strategy is leading you there is more important than the particulars. If you want to incorporate more movement into your life, but you're avoiding the treadmill like the plague, maybe there's another way to move.

My ex-husband relocated our new dryer away from the washer ... downstairs...down the hall ... in the garage, mostly because it wouldn't fit upstairs. A well-meaning friend of mine compassionately keeps offering to move it upstairs, but I have to tell him that laundry day is sometimes my only opportunity to get exercise lugging wet clothes up and down the stairs. Convenience has its downfalls, ya know?

5) Your body is a natural ally. And your body - being of nature - has innate wisdom, rhythms and can be trusted to have a pretty good idea of what's appropriate for itself. Resistance to sticking to a goal-oriented path may be more a matter of natural inappropriateness, than lack of willpower. Chinese Medicine (as well as other ancient health practices, the Bible, etc) agree that there's a time and place for everything, which may or may align with our self-imposed structures, schedules and formulas.

So, what does all this mean?

Well, that our paths to a better quality of life can be more graceful, more fluid, and just easier if they arise out of an understanding of who we are, where we are, and a willingness to listen to ourselves.

Easier said than done? Maybe. But not impossible, and indeed, less stressful and much more rewarding.

Comments? Questions? Just hit the 'post comment' link at the top or drop me a line.

Alright, Fine, Amazon...

2012-01-08T22:36:35Z

My blog is available via subscription on Kindle, and I was told that apparently, my subscribers (though I'm pretty sure I have none), quote: "... expect to receive frequent updates for blogs and news feeds to which they subscribe."

Oh, and "Because blogs should update at least once per month, we are cancelling blogs that have not updated in more than 60 days."

Not sure who made up that rule, but if you're paying for the blog, I suppose it's only fair that you receive your $1.99 worth.

There was a time when I wrote quite prolifically... (prolifically? Yeah, that's a word..), sometimes a couple posts a week.. even in a day, if I was on fire. Ridiculous, really.

And there was a time when I intended to write about the adventures in divorce I was heading into, with the self-inflated and presumptuous idea that my transparency about the experience would be of benefit to others.

Well, not only did I find myself with little time to write blogs at all, but even less interest in sharing any of that experience. Or sharing anything, really.

It took me about a year and a half... really, till about a month ago ... to recognize that I was in mourning... or should have been, and retreating from the world was a healthy response to the grief process. And even then, it took the death of two people dear to me, and a son admitted to the hospital to really trigger the emotions that had been dammed up for a while.

Instead I was beating myself up with 'shoulds', (hear that, Amazon?) and thinking maybe I should seek help for being so isolated from socializing, when really, I was using all of my resources to gracefully keep it all together.

I lamented not being able to take a week or a month, and disappear into retreat for a bit to process things, but it occurred to me, that in many ways, that's what I had been doing all along. I still had to work, be the mom, meet obligations as best I could, but I gave myself permission to refrain from committing to too much beyond that.

Yeah, I guess I questioned whether my 'permission' was actually 'excuses'... but I know in my heart that I harbored no self-pity, and that I really did try to take care of myself any way I could.

Silence is one way I do that ... a personally-cherished and reliable means of reaching within to find my ground again.

So, does this mean I'll be back to my online yappy self again?

Maybe sometime - soon, perhaps, though it is winter.. an optimal time to go deep, touch base with Source, shore up resources, and reflect.

One of the blessings I hope to emerge from the deep with is the true meaning of self-care. Not in a bubble-bath way, or a New Year's Resolution way, but in a moment-to-moment, let-yourself-be-rude-and-antisocial-and-fall-apart-and-say-no-more-dammit! kinda way.

Okay, are you happy now, Amazon?

My Goddess Year

2012-01-08T21:17:19Z

I'll admit it... though I've long been a big fan of Goddess Leonie (and her inspire-er, SARK), a large part of the reason why I got this planner, was not because I needed yet another planner. It was mostly because I had something similar in mind to create someday, and I wanted to see how she did it.

So sue me. (Oh wait, I could be sued for plagiarism couldn't I...?)

Well, anyway, a week into the new year, I decided to finally download the thing, and, oh. my.

(sigh)

Today was one of those days where I'm just glad it was Sunday and I could excuse myself from life on the defense of the sabbath. I worked anyway, but still, I have to come to use this day as a time for self-reflection... some days in the quiet of Quaker Meeting, or like today, in the midst of vacuuming and cleaning the health center where I work.

And I've been willing to entertain the thought that I need a break. Or a closure ceremony. Or something.

To admit that 2011 was a rough year... rife with gorgeous blessings yes, but hard-won, and exhausting. But still not being sure where to go with all that, what to do, where to go to find peace and solace and rest.

So, to finally download the first few pages of this calendar, and discover the first three or so dedicated to 'celebrating and releasing 2011' was such a sweet little gift.

To spend a few moments writing responses to the questions, "what am i deeply proud of myself for?", and "what feelings do i want to release?", while the setting January sun hangs in my kitchen window...

All I can say is, ahhhhh....

I've not yet finished wrapping up my past year... should probably take my time savoring its gifts before I kick it to the curb, which I've been anxious to do, but I am looking forward to answering Leonie's prompts to help create my vision for 2012.

As my divorce has taught me, I've come to believe that one definition of forgiveness is choosing how we tell the story about the past, and to realize that this has every bearing on how we move into the future.

There are many ways to do this... but if you're interested in checking out this lovely and compassionate piece of art and love in print form, here it is:

Just click the image to read more about it.

Yes, it's an affiliate link, but I never promote anything that I haven't found to be useful for myself.

Let me know what you think!

January 3rd

2012-01-03T14:55:00Z

"There is a privacy about Winter which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself." ~ Ruth Stout