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GraceNotes

Life lessons cleverly disguised as shiatsu-y goodness delivered twice weekly to your inbox.

Zazen

"Opening the hand of thought."

Click the image for this week's contemplation.

Entries in awareness (3)

Wednesday
28Jan2009

Discomfort Creates Awareness

Last night, I was working on a client with some intense fibromyalgia symptomology.

She's been coming every week for about two months, and it has been an amazing learning experience for me (and I hope, for her as well).

For people who suffer from this condition, everything just hurts, all the time. With pressure, without pressure. And even though it's been documented that massage and other touch therapies tend to bring relief... eventually.. this still presents a challenge to the practitioner.

To backtrack a bit, to when I was starting out in school, I quickly realized that besides my intuition-handicaps, I had a fear of hurting people. This fear created a sense of hesitation... a holding back that I could actually sense in my shallower breathing and the rigidity of my shoulders. Shiatsu can feel good, but it is not like spa-type massage... there is an intention to seek out and bring awareness and energy to places that are stuck... and this can be uncomfortable.

What I came to learn was that my hesitation in this area was indicative of the way I interacted with people in general. Under the guise of 'politeness', or 'niceness', I rarely put my self, my feelings, or my opinions out there. Never asked prying or personal or heavy questions... never wanted people to feel on the spot, or uncomfortable or challenged in their interactions with me. I don't even maintain eye contact for very long if I believe that the person might misunderstand my intention and get weirded out.

Sure, this had the effect of maintaining my 'nice person' image. But it also made me somewhat easily forgettable, inconsequential, and kept my relationships pretty superficial, unsatisfying, and somewhat dishonest.

Funny I should choose an occupation that requires I get into people's space and cause a little pain in order to be effective.

But here's what I've learned about discomforting situations. They force us to be aware. To pay attention. They often demand a response. Of course we can choose avoidance, or numbing. But we can also choose learning and growth. We often have to rally otherwise unused resources to work through it. To be in a comfortable place for too long encourages dozing off, and missing untapped opportunities for being alive and engaging with the world.

I think I have been so worried about taking responsibility for other people's experiences. Not that I want to adapt a callous, 'screw you if you can't take a joke attitude'. I've had to (and continue to) work on myself to become grounded, trustworthy and compassionately detached, both personally and professionally. This allows me to trust my own intentions, knowing that if I'm pushing someone's buttons, I'm doing it, I don't want to say 'for their own good.' .. (well, with a desire that it will lead to greater good).. but because it's my truth, and I have to remember that it is their responsibility to receive it however they want.

The shiatsu clients that I have the most connection and mutual trust with are the ones that I can really lay into with all my power and strength. They experience some ouches, sure.. but they don't blame or resent me, or stop coming. And they receive the greatest benefit. I do as well, because I can be fully present without worrying what they'll do if I inadvertently hurt them.

As for my fibro client... the trust was a little slower to build than with others. In her first couple visits, she let me know in no uncertain terms that if I hurt her, she'll stop coming.  And since then, I know that some of the sessions had been rough for her, lasting even days beyond her appointment, but she is seeing results. And she keeps coming back. We are both widening our comfort zones, and letting ourselves be pushed along a little further than we thought possible.

What a gift...

So, let me ask you....

What are your responses to discomfort?

Where you look first to deal with pain? Inside or outside yourself?

What do you reach for? Distraction? Tranquilizers? Insight? Blame? Guilt? Understanding? Compassion? Awareness?




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Monday
26Jan2009

Monday Meditation - How Does Your Life Feel?

Your body has something to tell you.

Do you have a few minutes to listen?

I am not the first to suggest that our bodies manifest the expression of our emotional and mental states. Many of our various chronic issues, aches, pains, ailments, and postures can be connected to the degree of disparity between our life choices and our sense of fulfillment with them.

Sometimes we know that we're not exactly thrilled with some area of our life.. our work, our relationships, our body image ... but the very idea of admitting that implies that we might have to change those things, which can be very scary. So, we adopt a state of denial and mental gymnastics to convince ourselves that it's really not that bad.

The mind is exceedingly capable of deception. Our bodies however, are not. They will let us know, perhaps gently at first, and then increasingly louder, that all is not well.. that your 'inner' is not congruent with your 'outer'.

Some of us are pretty adept at reading these signs. We've developed an open line of communication and trust with our physical bodies, where the messages about the 'rightness' of choices are easily received. For many more of us, we are not yet proficient in that language, and we need practice to develop it.

Right now, I invite you take a few minutes to feel your life.

Have a piece of paper and pen handy to write down some notes.  For each area listed below, I want you to allow whatever bodily sensations or thoughts to arise in your awareness. I say thoughts, because maybe the sensations are not quite clear to you, but whatever the first thoughts or images are to come up, jot those down. It's important not to overthink this, or try too hard to feel something. Also, try not to label the sensations of thoughts as good or bad. Just try to be as descriptive and accurate about what you do feel. (ie: tickle in the stomach; tightness in the chest; warm behind the ears, etc)

If nothing arises, that's fine, or if the images, thoughts or feelings don't make sense to you at first, that's okay. Write them down anyway. Your inner being has a way of answering questions even if you're not consciously aware of it. Kind of like how you forget someone's name, but once you stop thinking about it, it pops up later.

Find a quiet place to sit comfortably. Take a few gentle cleansing breaths.

Now imagine your work. When you visualize getting up in the morning to get ready, what do you notice? Where in your body do you feel something? Does your energy level feel like it goes up or goes down? Are there any particular people or situations that trigger a noticeable reaction from your body during your work day? What do you feel in your body when you imagine those situations?

If you are in a relationship, think about your partner. Imagine seeing him or her after a day spent away from each other. What do you feel when you imagine seeing them again? Think about an activity that you enjoy doing together. How does that feel? Think about an area of conflict. Where do you feel that?

Bring your attention to your own body. Imagine looking at yourself in a mirror, or being looked at by someone else. Do you feel yourself wanting to either diminish or overemphasize a part of your body? Does your posture change when you imagine being looked at? Which part of your body does your mental attention immediately go to?

Think of a random activity that you don't enjoy doing, but 'have' to. What do you notice. (For example, I do not like grocery shopping. Just thinking about it brings on a feeling of fatigue, especially in my lower back.)

Now think of an activity that you really enjoy doing. What do you notice... maybe about your shoulders, your breathing, your facial muscles. Was there a noticeable difference between that image and the one before it?

If you are dealing with any chronic issues, sit with them and 'ask'what they are trying to tell you.

If there are any other areas of your life you'd like to feel out, do so now.
Otherwise, take a moment to express gratitude to your physical body for communicating with you (even if you didn't feel much). You can also express an intention that more information will be revealed to you from this point on. Thoughts or feelings may pop up later, or your attention will be more immediately drawn to your physical sensations in the future.


It's not necessary that you understand these messages yet, or that you even received them clearly.

It's most important that you asked the question.

Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Comment below or contact me!

Related posts:

Under Pressure - How Do You Feel It?

Under Pressure - Turtle Syndrome

The New Rules of Posture

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Friday
09Jan2009

You Are Here

Having played with mindfulness meditation and breathing as a means of experiencing 'present moment awareness', but not really being sure if I've hit it or not ... or really being clear on what present moment awareness even felt like... even while often ignorantly talking about it...

.. I think I'm finally getting a little closer.

Or at least I came upon a visual analogy that kind of describes what the connection is between the breath and the present moment.

This was during a session of 'consciously connected breathing', as outlined in Michael Brown's book, "The Presence Process", a practice which he claims would be the most efficacious route to developing present moment awareness.

My experiences with bringing awareness to my breathing had thus far not had an astounding effect beyond the continual realization that, oh, yes, now I'm breathing in. Oh, and now I'm breathing out.... still separate moments and actions in time. However, I think there was something about the 'connected' aspect of breathing... in which I gently draw the breath in, allow it to fall naturally, and then draw it back in, not allowing for pauses in between, and bringing all of my awareness to the transition... this approach revealed the continuity of the breathing process throughout my life, and as a result, had the immediate effect of me becoming aware of my place along that continuum.

If you are a visual person, as I am, perhaps this will help.

I have always been fascinated by the image of a long, empty road. There's something about standing still on a stretch of asphalt, on which the points on either end are not visible to me from that place, that feels mysterious and compelling. There's the awareness that the road comes from somewhere and connects to somewhere else. And because I know this, I can imagine being connected to any point along that road beyond my vision, in that moment, including the ends, simply by virtue of standing in that one spot. For some reason, I always thought that was pretty cool.

This is the visual I had with the breathing. It is a process that has been with me since birth, and will continue until I die - a fact which was always logical and obvious to my rational mind. But it was the sensation of continuity that had previously eluded me. And so it with the awareness of this constant function.. like a road or a golden thread stretching from one end of my life to another, that brought an immediate awareness of where I was at that moment. And that everything else was just scenery.

Brown says the breathing exercise has the effect of activating our Inner Presence... our timeless knowing that does not concern itself with the dramas that our ego minds do.  Yes, I stray off the path, and often get lost in the woods and the quicksand, but I now realize that the path isn't lost to me....only my awareness of it is, and all I have to do is remember to breathe, and the path reappears. It is, at once, the means of travel, and the destination. No matter what's going on... the path through the quagmire that my thoughts insist on taking, I have the ability (hopefully) to stop and go, "oh, there's my breathing" and return to the basics. And in my more 'successful' breathing sessions, I get the feeling that this is all that is really essential. Everything else is just fluff and drama. Sure, some is necessary fluff, but keeping my feet on the path allows me to consciously choose which drama to participate in.

Makes it a whole lot more fun, to be sure.

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