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Entries in comfort zone (3)

Thursday
25Sep2008

Rx: Face Your Fears


Today's post is of a more personal nature based on an observation and a discussion that ensued between my husband and I concerning, what else, comfort zones.

This summer has been a momentous one for my youngest son.

He is in the waning months of his seventh year... traditionally an age which marks a transitional phase from 'toddlerhood' to full-on boy-ness. This child spent many hours on many days communing with mama ocean, meeting his fears of immersion (and seaweed and jellyfish) head-on until it nearly became a matter of concern for his dad and me.

As the summer drew to a close, our boy took off on a two-wheeler. The grin on his face was classic. I took him to a local riding trail yesterday, where he could let loose as I walked behind. He chattered on happily, largely unconscious of the fact that I could hardly hear him, yards ahead of me. We found a small clearing leading to the creek bank, where he discovered a stick and entertained himself with it for about 20 minutes. As I watched him, I found myself thinking that I've never seen such a joyful kid. 

This was the basis of my observation.

Not just that he was happy. But enthusiastic. Really, really curious. Optimistic. Self-confident. There were always glints of these qualities, but they were often hidden under layers of angst and frustration. Rarely could 20 minutes pass without some unknown trigger setting him off, causing him to run into a room behind a slammed door. Just in the last month, his tantrums have reduced to practically nil. He accepts negative responses to his requests, when they should occur,  with a wistful "ah well", but accepts them nonetheless.


My husband is a novice surfer, and coming from a few barrier-breaking experiences himself-- some he was even reluctant to share with me - reflected on this with his theories that our brains need confrontations with limits. So much of our personal angst, 'boredom', discomfort, and irritability could be dispelled by taking on scary situations. The beauty of surfing, especially for my chronically-stressed business-owner husband, is that it requires such single-minded focus. To think about anything else other than keeping yourself on the board is to get creamed.

So, maybe it's more than just the confidence of gaining mastery over a new task, but the new-ness itself...the respite from gear-grinding the brain gets as it has to set itself on integrating new information. And if it invites the body into learning new dance steps, so much the better. 


I've known this. I've seen and experienced it.

And I'm sharing it because I suspect the environment of manufactured fear under which we live paralyzes most of us, and confuses our perception of what truly should be matters of concern. I also believe that fears not faced adversely affect our health and our overall sense of comfort within our our skin. I am sure that studies in neuroscience would bear this out, as well as disciplines such as mindfulness meditation, which invite us to continually challenge our own stories. It's been proven that short periods of heightened stress (as opposed to the prolonged low-level kind) strengthen our immune systems, and a continual gauge of our boundaries, both physical and psychological, finely hones our awareness of where we exist in time and space.

Have your own experiences or thoughts to share? Please do!

Food for Thought: 5 Dangerous Things for Kids

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Wednesday
10Sep2008

Expand Your Range of Motion

In the manual therapy world we use the term: (pretty self-explanatory) 'range of motion'.

ROM. It refers to an assessment of how far within an optimum range a person can express flexibility: turning of the head, shoulder or hip rotations, side bending, touching the toes, etc. We are born with maximum, almost hyper, flexibility, as a function of curling up in the womb. Out of necessity, we do lose that to some degree, so muscles and joints can be strong enough to carry us upright.

The sad fact is that as we get older, many of us tend to lose a great deal of our range of motion. We chalk it up to aging, but truthfully, flexibility is something that needs to be and can be cultivated regularly. When our own voluntary movements lose variety, and when we limit our actions to only what modern living demands of us (which is far too little) we lose our ability, as well as desire to stretch beyond what becomes physical boundaries.

Whaddya know? There's that 'comfort zone' theme again! The problem is, it's only comfortable for so long. Like until you find yourself wanting to do something that used to be effortless. Challenge that zone and we are given a quick, and often painful reminder of where our ROM begins and ends.

Limited range of motion is not always due to limited challenging activity. It can also be a by-product of injury, or trauma (physical or emotional). But the end result is the same. Hesitation and fear around re-experiencing pain or injury keeps our movements small and safe... back injuries are a prime example of this. Often a majority of the back discomfort that lingers after an injury is a result of 'protecting' the back by limiting its movement. Yes, that's right.. lack of movement is a prime contributor to pain and stiffness. And, here's the thing... it also sets the stage for further injury.

I'd like to offer the visual of a circle... the ROM, the comfort zone. We all have one to some degree that we dwell within. After all, certain limitations are necessary to exist in a physical body. The question is how wide of a diameter is that circle? Or how tight? To expand one's ROM is to open up that circle a little wider... creating space, more freedom of movement and more range of possibilities.

So, how do we widen that circle.. both in body and in mind?

 

  • Identify the circle. Where do you feel limited? What do notice that feels stiff, stuck, challenging? What do you have hesitation, fear, anxiety, defensiveness around? What is an activity that was once effortless, but now seems too scary to consider? Where do you feel you may be in a rut?
  • Choose one area in which you'd like to expand your ROM. Has it been a while since you could easily touch your toes? Or how about that one yoga asana that's been eluding you? What about a life goal? A person you've been meaning to speak to, a different way of accomplishing your professional tasks? I suggest here, if ROM stretching is something new to you, to start small. Injuries and rejections can be painful, discouraging and counterproductive, while successes will fuel your courage.
  • Set an intention to be open to any opportunities for movement. Sitting in an office chair all day? I email myself periodic reminders to get up and move. Whatever form that may take, for example, stretching while reading emails. Setting an intention can also create a subconscious alarm, like when you find yourself retreating into a typical 'comfort zone' situation, a little nagging voice will say, 'Psst! This would be a great time to ask that cute guy out," or "Now would be a perfect time to say 'no', I will not cover your butt to the boss this time."
  • Gather a support system. Our biggest obstacle dwells in our own heads. We know this. Widening the comfort circle, no matter how incrementally, requires impetus, if not outright courage. Having steady encouragement will keep us on our path. In bodywork terms, having a therapist who can bring greater awareness to how your body responds, as well as offering concrete techniques such as assisted stretching, can bring you further than you could go alone.
  • Listen to your body. View its signals as allies. Symptoms of discomfort tell us we're bumping up against those boundaries, which is good to know. It is also useful to invoke patience here, compassion with oneself, and to question what really lies beneath the fears. What are really afraid will happen if we step over the line? Sometimes just asking the question allows for openness.
  • Just to reiterate, have patience. Discomfort is one thing... outright pain is another. Taking on too much may be exhilarating at first, but you'll probably pay for it later. Muscles will contract and defense mechanisms will solidify even harder if pushed too quickly. However, by the same token, sometimes taking big risky leaps is just what we need to do. Remember that support system? Rely on them for feedback, moral support, and if necessary, help in recuperating.

 

A phrase was given to me is shiatsu school that I will pass along to you: "Encourage movement. Respect boundaries."

Good rule of thumb, I say.

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Tuesday
09Sep2008

Your Comfort Zone

Next up on the guest post roster is "Naturally Green Life Coach", Terri Marshall.

Terri, like the rest of us in our little group of savvy biz women, caught the Comfort Zone fever.. a powerful subject that has touched all of our lives in some way. I give to you Terri's unique insights on this topic. 

(To read more of her 'wondermous' writing, please visit her blog: The Good Natural Life. Terri also says that she is 5' 3", married, and likes walks in the rain. Anything else, Terri? :)

  Have you noticed that the limitations and barriers that we put upon ourselves are worse than the ones that society places on us?

Lately I've been talking with a lot of people about The Comfort Zone.  

The Comfort Zone means a lot of things to different people.  Because of recent discussions I have broken them into a few categories.

The Comforting Zone. This is the nice warm loving zone where we feel secure from the world. You know the place. The place you retreat to when the universe kicks your butt. It can be a place as simple as a favorite worn out faded pair of jeans, to the arms of a loved one. A place you go to feel safe.

The Comfort Zone. This is a place where you live with the status quo. It's not good for you, it's not bad for you, and it just is. It is a zone where everything is familiar. There are no surprises. Again you feel safe, because you know exactly what is going to happen and when.

The Discomfort Zone. This is the zone where you know there are some things that need to be changed and you know you need to do the change, but not quite ready. When in the discomfort zone, you just don't have the gumption to do it what needs to be done. It's almost like an itch in the center of your back that you can not reach. It's not life threatening, but it's bugging you.

The Hostage Zone. This is the zone where we allow our fears to rule us. The zone where our fears of the unknown stop our growth. Where shame or low self esteem stops all forward movement into the future. We stay in the hostage zone because we are scared that if we move forward it could be worse for us. The "What ifs" keep us from doing what we want or need to do.  We are blocked behind our self imposed barriers and put limits on our talents and abilities. 

The Panic Zone. In this zone our fears are so embedded into us that just the thought of change will send us into a panic attack. If you try to make the needed change to move away from the panic zone, your throat closes up, you can't breath, your heart speeds up, you break out into a very cold sweat and feel like death is knocking at your door.

I can honestly say I've never had The Panic Zone. I guess that comes from being raised by a very strong, independent woman who instilled great values into her children and a belief that they can and will accomplish anything. 

I have had a few areas where I was in The Hostage Zone. These were self imposed barriers and limitations that I had to overcome. They were not easy to move away from, but it was a must for me to do so, or I would have been stuck in the 80s forever (and the music really sucked then).

What would it do to our core belief system if we broke through these perceived barriers?  Could we possibly move into a realm of total wonderment of what we could achieve?  Could we then remove other barriers that society has placed upon us?

It is as simple as just “stepping out’ of the comfort zone.  You must be careful though because anything you can step out of, you can also then step back into. It’s as simple as positive affirmations each morning.  As simple as taking a deep breath, and acting upon it.  It takes repetition.  Something you must act on each day, if only in small ways.  You must continue to make the baby steps that it takes to grow. To become the person you are meant to be.

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