Dear Jessica...

(This post is a continuation of a response to a comment that came up in this post, which I am addressing directly to her...)

Dear Jessica...

I'm writing this in further response to your email, in which you posed the question: 'How do you get to the point of believing in yourself enough to keep moving forward toward a goal that's maybe a little scary (in a good way) without becoming blind to red flags might be signaling a problem with the direction you're taking?'

You further added that you don't always feel confident, believing that once you were on the 'right' path, everything should be easy.

Certainty is a wonderful thing. An illusion at times, maybe, but such comfort is found when we know that where our feet are planted is the right place to be.

But perhaps certainty is overrated, in that it can be valued over ... well, uncertainty ... which feels angsty, uncomfortable, 'wrong', and is a space that many of us try to avoid or move away from as soon as possible.

We want to know we're doing the right thing, and the path we are investing so heavily in will actually lead us to our destination, even though it winds invisibly through the woods, and long stretches may disappear beneath the overgrowth.

One of my responses to you was to celebrate your uncertainty, because "..questioning, believe it or not, is a great place to be in ... it will keep you awake and aware and paying attention to what's really happening."

As cosmic timliness would have it, last night I read a lovely paragraph in Susan Piver's book, "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart"* that speaks of uncertainty, and faith ... and confidence:

"Faith is a kind of supreme openness..... I mean, think about it. It's an act of faith to go into the events of your life without knowing what they all mean. It's an act of faith to allow things to unfold and unfold and unfold, and to be willing to include in your life not just what makes you happy, but also your agitation, confusion, doubt, and personal displays of ridiculousness without drawing harsh conclusions. Actually faith begins to look a lot like fearlessness. It looks a lot like genuine confidence. I once thought that confidence meant feeling certain I would never appear ridiculous again. Au contraire. It means that even when you feel ridiculous - or devastated or sleepy or impassioned - you can relax about it. Even when you're completely anxious, you can relax about that too."

What I get from this is that confidence is the willingness to screw up. And stay open anyway.

Do I believe we have a 'righ't path? Mostly. But even more than that, what I've learned is that it's pretty presumptuous of me to think I know what that path should look like or where it should lead.

Rarely does it go where I would have thought, and never has it taken me on a route I could have chosen, or been without greater rewards than I could have imagined.

So, back to the question. In regards to choosing a path in the healing arts, how do you to get to the spiritual/mental place to keep going forward, even when you're not sure you're going in the right direction?

Trust in your Jewel.

In Mark Silver's book, "Unveiling the Heart of Your Business"*, (which, as always, I HIGHLY recommend, probably to answer all of your questions! :) he talks about our Jewel, which is the internal aspect of defining your business or practice in terms of service.

Maybe that feels premature, given that you are not yet practicing, but it may help to start identifying this, as it becomes the place you come home to when the path before you seems unclear. And, because it is your heart's expression, it will shine through all aspects of your life. It's your "why you are here" and how you serve the world.

As Mark writes:

"Your Jewel is your uniqueness, it's how your heart interacts with others. It has to do with your core essence and your deepest passion. It's also your biggest need and the key to your spiritual development. It's what you give to others, and it's what you need most from the Divine."

Trust in your GPS.

I'm not sure what spiritual page you're on, but like with the Jewel, having some sort of guidance system you can connect with when you feel lost is immensely helpful. Once again, I would refer you to Mark Silver, who uses a wonderful practice called Remembrance as a means of checking in with your heart at every turn. You can even explore that here* at no cost... (This takes you his blog, and then look under "Free Resources" for the Remembrance Challenge.)

Trust that all paths lead to the same place.

I think many of us place a lot of investment in a 'right' path, which, in light of our extremely limited human perspective, is kinda misleading. I have this picture of being airlifted out of the forest, in order to be given a broader perspective, in which I find with some degree of humor, a million paths all leading to the same place. Or better yet, a big open pathless field.

Yes, it is of utmost importance that we walk a path, but it's what we carry inside us that really matters.

Trust in the experience more than the outcome.

Like in the above statement, when we are connected to our Jewel, and our Source, whatever that may be for us, there is no wrong path. To go forth with an intention that everything you encounter will hold something of value for you, even major screw ups... this is faith. And it is an honoring of your self and the gift of your life here when you refuse to write off any experiences as wasted time.

You're going to make mistakes, maybe huge ones. You may encounter your red flags, ignore them, and want to kick yourself later. (Been there, done that, will most likely do it again...)

Welcome to being human! :)

There is a use for all of it, a way to turn everything into compost and therefore a beautiful garden.

To choose stories about your experiences that make every moment count, even if you can't yet see the benefit, is what it truly means to create your own reality. Make it a worthwhile one.

Trust in your willingness to serve and to keep your heart open.

Your willingness - and I know this from VERY personal experience - will never go unanswered.

I don't know if I answered your questions, and granted, these are only my own observations and experiences. My own path, if you will. I guess, what I could have said with a lot less words is that we all have uncertainty when embarking upon such an important path. And anyone who says they don't are either full of it, or not paying attention.

My last suggestion? Seek out the support of people who are also uncertain and open-hearted.

Hope I helped in some small way. May you enjoy a bumpy, rewarding road...

***************

*These are affiliate links, meaning if you make a purchase after following them, a little money will come my way. Not required, but definitely appreciated.*

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Letters to a Young Therapist

Pre-Natal Massage

Our first experience with loving touch happened even before we were born.

My shiatsu teacher had taught us that the pressure we give to the receiver's body reminds our subconscious of our time spent in the womb.

 

Every inch of our bodies was massaged by water pressure, which stimulated circulation, activated the internal organs, and provided perpetual cushioning and protection.

The cutaneous experience became inextricably linked in our minds to the instantaneous meeting of our needs for oxygen and nourishment... before our awareness of having needs and without having to ask.

 

The want for nothing. Simply because we existed.

 

Granted, some of our in utero experiences (or beyond) were less than positive.

 

Even without remembering, the emotional and physical states of the mother we lived within transmitted to the tiny growing body, and initiated the wiring for how good we feel in our skin, our level of comfort with touch and how strongly we're connected to our feelings of rightness about ourselves

 

The benefits of therapeutic touch - shiatsu, or other forms of massage - are multiple in that they give a safe space in which to heal our connection with our bodies and our ability to receive healthy human contact.

 

The boundaries of the therapeutic relationship invite the receiver to just receive comfort and healing with no expectations to give back, no agenda on the part of the therapist ... to just soak it in and be.

 

And ... perhaps experience something akin to unconditional love.

**********

Want to learn how to give loving touch in the form of shiatsu? Sign up for my Shiatsu for Lovers and Others class, Valentine's Day weekend...



The Morality of Healing

A statement made by my husband some years ago concerning his gripes with the law of attraction rhetoric (and which I kinda wrote off as him 'not getting it') was echoed today by a friend of mine searching for help with her health issues.

What my hubs had said that his take on the L of A was that if you're weren't manifesting your desires, than somehow it was your fault. That it's because you weren't 'thinking' correctly, or doing it right, and it seemed to create a lot of unnecessary stress in worrying and watching your every thought. Because heaven forbid, you should offer up a contradictory thought, and undo all of the positive work you had invested.

While I still think that's not exactly the case, I can see how he developed that perspective. If I'm sitting here, visualizing prosperity and abundance, and I'm living life as if wealth is already mine, then why the hell am I still broke? It's something wrong with my thinking? The way I'm thinking? The thoughts themselves? Can I make myself any more neurotic than I already am? Gah!

And so, my friend today shared that in her pursuits for answers to her symptomology, she admitted finding more compassion among the allopathic docs than among the holistic practitioners she encountered. Seems there is something to be said for modalities that take some responsibility on themselves, instead of placing it all on the patient. Or better yet, give no explanation.

Weird, right?

What I mean is, somewhere along the line, the idea of our emotional stuff being made manifest in our physical bodies got a little twisted when it comes to some of us supposedly more enlightened holistic types. What my friend encountered, in response to these alternative treatments failing to solve her problems quickly, was a kind of blame. Why was she blocking the healing? Why did she need this illness? How was it serving her? (And ohmygod, smacking my head as I realize I've said this very thing to people in so many words.. and damn! how arrogant I can be sometimes...thank you, god, for showing me this perspective...)

I do believe there is validity to the underlying concept. I do believe that our emotions and our stuff, if not addressed, become our physical experience, and some of us do believe we need to be wounded in some way to have our needs met.

But our job, as therapists (I refrain from using 'healers', for reasons I've explained here) is not to judge, is it? Somehow that seems to smack of the MO of an certain entrenched dogmatic religious belief, which many of us in Western culture are indoctrinated in, whether we care to admit it or not.

The idea that Universe will not bestow its blessings on you unless you think the "right thoughts", as if said universe is peering into your head and hmm, gee, who does *that* sound like? And if you're not getting better after I've wielded my perfect and wondrous healing talents, well, then, there's something flawed in *your* mindset, and you must exorcise those demons.

Sigh.

Sounds a lot, too, like how we've mangled the concept of karma. Mistaking our tiny, limited and fallible judgement abilities for that of the Divine.

Anyway, as my friend was wise to realize, sometimes your journey is just your journey. And maybe this is hers. She wants healing. She wants relief from her pain, and to be in her power again. And maybe she does have lessons to learn. But does she need someone like me pointing out to her what I would have the audacity to think those lessons are? Could compassion be of more use? And gentle caring touch? And the meeting of her right where she is in all her imperfect perfection? And where I am in mine?

And does there need to be an Answer and an Explanation for everything, or can we just spend some time together, feeling the connection between us, which is healing for both of us, no matter how it appears or is quantified...?

(This post is dedicated to both L.H. and W.K....)

The Healer's Job

I've long resisted the epitaph, "healer".

Maybe it comes closer to describing what I do than say, "truck driver", or "bank teller", but it's always felt a bit presumptuous and misleading to me. I mean, I do stuff that I suppose can be described as a healing art, but honestly..? I don't really know how much credit I can or should take, if any, for whatever positive effects come out of my sessions with people.

And even though shiatsu, like other modalities, is taught as a thing we do on another person's body in order to effect a certain change, we do so with the understanding that the real healing power is already within that body.. it's just a matter of coaxing it into action.

In my three and a half years of practice, I've pondered this from a variety of angles, as I've tried to really get a sense of what it is I'm doing, how and where to set my intentions, and define for myself what exactly my role is in all of this. Even though I have a proficiency in knowing what points and meridians to press on for what issue, as helpful as that is, I'm still constantly searching for what the bigger picture is. I've written previously about my ideas on the healing power of communication ... that being the heart of what we really do as 'healers'. Add to that some thoughts along the lines of 'we never really are ill, or imbalanced', or 'to see ourselves, or in a 'healer's' case, to see our clients as already whole and perfect' ... our job then, merely, is to remind the body of its perfection.

This perspective fascinated me, as it implies so much about the way our 'stories' effect us and our well-being... our stories about our physical, mental and emotional states... all of which can be rewritten. Whether or not I really understood how and if shiatsu does what it says it does mattered less than whether I could see this body under my hands living a different story, and then somehow impart this knowledge to the receiver. I get more comfortable with that role for myself all the time.

And then, over the weekend, I came across this quote:

"The healer's job has always been to release something not understood, to remove obstructions (demons, germs, despair) between the sick patient and the force of life driving obscurely toward wholeness."  ~ "The Body Electric", Robert O. Becker, MD

...resulting in a lovely "Aha!" moment.

As I understand it, I, we, serve the purpose of removing obstructions... the blocks, the blind spots, the tensions.. whatever it is that we can see through our given professional lens that the receiver cannot ... that which is keeping them from experiencing their own wholeness and perfection. Because sometimes.. most of the time, really... we just cannot see those things for ourselves. We need a mirror, a sounding board, a means of seeing through our own stories, bringing awareness to our stuck places, and ideally, dispelling them, or at least making peace with them.

All humans have the capacity for doing this. We do it all the time. For those of us in a healing profession, we just deliberately develop this skill (complete with certification)-- choosing a particular type of mirror (modality) and honing our ability to interpret the story we hear into information about the 'stuckness', which we then address. But most important, and this is what's hitting me now, is our responsibility to cultivate clearness and self-awareness ...  being able to discern what's their story and what's ours, recognizing that our clients' path is theirs alone, and it's our job to remain compassionate, yet detached from the outcome.

Okay, so that gives me a more palatable role I can identify with .. that of 'illuminator', or 'facilitator', rather than 'healer'. It also motivates me more to grow as a more effective conduit for grace and compassion.. to make my own well-being a higher priority so I can better serve my clients without all my own crap getting in the way.

But wait.... here's the punchline:

The very belief that there is anything 'wrong' with my clients, and that I have any control over that is the bottom-line baggage I carry, and quite possibly the ultimate disservice I do for them.

And this, my friends, will be the subject of my next post.

Care for more?

The Heart of Bodywork

Discomfort Creates Awareness

Perfect as We Are

Be Your Own Hero

It is true, this website is about shiatsu and health and well-being ... not about politics.

And yet, I feel compelled to reiterate a common theme emerging both in my shiatsu practice and in the promise of the new administration, and in many other places, really... that of empowerment.

There has been a lot of speculation and criticism, concern and worry about President-elect Obama's lack of experience, and his proposed plans for dealing with the challenges before him. I suppose how that manifests remains to be seen.

But the most undeniably striking and immediate effect of his election is the shift in perception of ourselves, as citizens and as people who can actually make a difference. The particulars of policy matter, sure, but not as much as the story we are re-creating about our experience. In one evening, an entire, previously disenfranchised segment of our citizenship has been included into the fold, and can now finally take on a true sense of ownership in the country they have lived and died in for centuries. They are now free to create a new story, and this is no small matter.

Obama, though, while a beacon of hope, (excuse the cliche') has made it clear on several accounts, that he is not here to wave his hand and make our issues disappear. Healing is a choice, and one that demands active participation, and he offers no illusions that it will be easy or accomplished with our complacency and passivity. I believe it takes a lot of courage to tell someone who is hurting and beaten down that the key to their salvation lies within their ability to face their fears and challenges, and keep on going... all the while assuring them, however, that he's got their back.

Idealistic? Sure. But again, it has little to do with what Obama can accomplish and so much more about how he inspires us to reach far beyond our perceived limitations of what we can accomplish.

And this is always what it's been about. I think we just needed to be reminded.

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Carnival of Healing #155 - Perfect As We Are

Welcome to my very first hosting of the Carnival of Healing!

I am thrilled to include the carnival today as part of my Grace in Gravity Open House month, as well as this being my birthday week .... so, let's keep the party going!

In looking over the submitted offerings this week, I noticed a theme emerging in a few of them that, in my philosophy, speaks to the first truth of real healing.. that is, the recognition of our perfection, and the appropriateness of whatever point we may be in our journey. To set aside self-defeating thoughts of 'how I SHOULD look, feel, weigh, eat, etc." is to disarm the power of resistance, and begin to illuminate the truth of what we really need to heal.

And so, with that, let's begin with a limerick, entitled "Gray Matters" from Madeleine Begun Kane of Mad Kane's Humor Blog about turning gray (lest we forget that humor is a HUGE component of our healing journeys!).

Robin, of Let's Live Forever, wrote a simply beautiful post entitled, "Feelings Are There to Be Felt"... reminding us that by ignoring and suppressing our 'negative' painful emotions, they can become harmful, and too powerful -- and that by acknowledging and embracing these emotions ... giving them space and a name, we can free ourselves of their power over us.

Phylameana lila Desy, in her post, "Join Me in the 29 Day Gift Giving Challenge" invites us to give away something of yourself for 29 days, shifting the focus of our own personal struggles to that of how we can help others, and then opening up to the miraculous possibilities that follow.

Kristen McCarthy, in her provocative piece, "Menstrual Suppression is the New White", addresses a topic dear to my heart. The continued negative campaign by doctors and pharmaceutical companies, geared toward eliminating a woman's monthly cycles 'for her own good', are not only skewed, but potentially very dangerous. I hope to see (and will contribute to) more writings about this scary trend.

Stories of survival and spiritual triumph under extreme and inhumane conditions can inspire us to rise above what we perceive to be the harshness of our own lives. Victor Frankl's account comes to mind. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's is another. Glowing Face Man offers how his life was touched by this political prisoner under Stalin's regime in "Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn: A Man of Courage, Passion and Freedom"

Chris Edgar, of Purpose Power Coaching, in Part Two of "Are You Really Trapped?" challenges our stories that we are stuck in our: career, relationship, financial situation, 'fill-in-the-blank'  by suggesting that we're paralyzed by too many possibilities open to us. It is easier to stay within the discomfort of the known, than to take the leap onto a path that might be perceived as "wrong", Compelling question, indeed.

Pain Relief 

Good sound advice for using heat in the relief of neck pain comes from The Back Pain Blog.. in a piece entitled "Neck Pain Goes Back to Class".

Sierra Koester of "Pain Relief 101", shares a few insights she has gained as a sufferer of fibromyalgia in "The Do's and Dont's of Natural Pain Relief for Fibromyalgia".

Skin Care

With "organic" and "natural" being the new hot marketing terms, it's important, as a consumer, to educate oneself about the mythology surrounding these terms to be assured that what you are buying is indeed, 'organic'. Julena of "Organic Makeup and Skin Care" helps you sift through the facts and fiction in "Organic Skin Care Myths".

Dealing with less than perfect skin? Laura Milligan, of  RNCentral.com, offers "101 Ways to Rid Yourself of Acne".

Food and Health

Can food choices be a form of activism? Leslie Hatfield, author of the e-book, "Cultivating the Web", believes so. Check out her interview on Victoria Everman's blog. From this post: "Featuring intelligent essays by noted moved and shakers in the sustainable food movement, Cultivating the Web includes lists of eco-food focused blogs, networks websites, consumers resources and more."

Drawing from the diets of two cultures known for their health and longevity, Trudy Thelander and Ric Watson created a food and health website, called MediterrAsian.com. Lovelyn, author of The Art of Balanced Living blog, interviews Trudy about their site and their book, The MediterrAsian Way.

BrainBlogger offers a perspective on the nagging question of whether vegetarians get enough protein, in "Are You Vegetarian? How Do You Get Enough Protein?"

Curious about what a (raw) vegan is and what on earth they eat? Check out the blog we overstep and get an insight.

Exercise and Movement

B.M. Garrett offers encouraging advice about incorporating the healthy exercise and movement we need just within our daily lives. Forget the bowflex! Grab the kids! (Or a mop!)

Whether you're involved in an active exercise regimen, or your activities are limited to work and/or home, Grace R Young OT offers sound advice to avoid fatigue and injury in "Rest, Pacing and Timing".

Have you sustained an injury and have concerns about falling behind in your fitness goals? Weight Loss Journal help you keep up with this article entitled, "How to Keep Fit When You Are Injured".

Meditation

And last, but not least. From The Change Blog... ""How to Meditate (& Why it May Help You Overcome Depression)

I hope you enjoyed this week's carnival. If you liked a particular post, let them know, and spread the word about the carnival! Feedback is a good thing..

**Last week's Carnival (#154) was brought to you by Phylameana's Holistic Healing Blog.
**Next week (Sept 20th), be sure to visit Pearl at Fresh Perspectives for the Carnival of Healing #156.

For more info about submitting to or hosting a carnival of your own, visit here...!

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