Where's Your Valve?
Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 07:30AM 
Some people who know me, know that I am reluctant to say I have beliefs.
I prefer to say, "possible scenarios I am currently entertaining".
One such scenario is that about Oneness, and that we are all expressions of such.
And not just expressions, but conduits, vessels, to channel the grace of Oneness to the physical plane in order to to help each other remember and relive that experience that we so long for.
So, I got to thinking about power the other day, prompted by an observation made during a session by a client.
She was remarking how powerful my hands felt, with a small degree of awe.
For me, being 5' 1'', and not exactly the most noticeable, outgoing, assertive ... (shall I go on?) person in the room - in fact, I've prided myself on achieving invisibility, more by default - this felt strangely good to hear. "Powerful' is not a self-descriptive term I would reach for.
Normally I would have brushed it off, but in that moment, I let it sink in, and allowed myself to really try on that description of 'powerful'.
Oh my gosh! What if I am? What if I've been totally mistaken about the reasons behind some of my relationship issues... that it's not so much because I'm a wimp, but because I am too afraid of letting my power loose?
And then I had this other thought, one I've mentioned before, about how I'm fearful of making people uncomfortable, and yet, here I am in a profession that requires me to get in people's spaces and make them feel uncomfortable.
I still struggle with this.
But what occurred to me how this affects me physically. Coming on the heels of my last post, about using my hara to inform my sessions, and ideally express the fullness of my being to my receiver by really leaning into them, I noticed when I don't do that - when I hold back - my left shoulder and neck lock up. And my breathing gets shallow.
It's like ... closing up a valve.
It isn't tension as a result of poor body mechanics, it's where I stop the flow.
And I'm thinking this happens in other places too, in other situations, and with many other people.
If we are, indeed, by nature, channels of the divine... if that's what our bodies, and tissues and cells are REALLY created for.. if our sole purpose is to express our particular frequency of divinity, then it would stand to reason that when we hinder that flow, we're gonna feel it in our physical bodies.
Our shoulders, our gut, our throats, our hearts.
So, what it means, what it feels like to me, is that it's not really 'my' power I'm afraid of expressing or owning. My real power is in how willingly I allow divinity to flow through me.
It reminds me of when I was in labor with my first son.
When it came down to the final stages, my body knew what to do, and what I remember taking away from that afterward was that the most effective role I could play was to stay out of the way and allow it to happen. My second guessing, or rushing, or even 'helping' did nothing but hinder the process and cause me discomfort.
And while this seemed passive, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Allowing the fullness of the forces of nature inscribed in my DNA to do its thing was humbling to say the least.
Let's Play.
There's a lot here to consider. I'll leave it at this for the moment, but I invite you to try seeing your own aches and pains, tension, frustration, anger, fatigue as an indication that you may be holding back from allowing your power and purpose to flow through you.
